Photography by Martin Kaufmann
“Where is the line with you?” - Björk
An evening of writing, finally sitting myself down to summarize all the thoughts that have been ripening in my head and share them with you. I’ve chosen quite a specific topic this time and in a way, a continuation of that anger saga that I started some time ago and again - a quote by an Icelandic musician to open this narration.
That week following the treatment that I wrote about in my last blog article, I started contemplating the possible sources of that anger that I was finally able to let go of. I initially thought it could be related to conflicts I had in the past with the loved ones and assumed there was still some residue, some unresolved aftertaste that eventually crystallised as anger. Yet after taking a closer look at the situation, I came to realise that as a matter of fact, I was honestly feeling rather at peace with the past stories. What was really happening, was an issue with a person from my present, not even that close to me, someone I had to interact with on a regular basis for a period of time due to a common project.
What surfaced is that even though I initially volunteered to help, it ended up being a much larger project than I could possibly imagine that started to interfere with my life to the point that I had to sacrifice my time off and sometimes help out at very late hours. My personal space would be intruded, I would feel guilty if I was unable to squeeze in additional last minute appointments that would mess up my day, I would have to let the stranger into my life and aspects of it that I think are quite private. And the pressure would increase as the project deadline approached..
I tried to say that I can’t see myself staying involved in this any longer only to hear that it’s almost over and if I dropped out, the project would fail and that it’s impossible to replace me. I would agree to cooperate just “one more time” but it was never the last..
Anger was my body’s response to what my mind remained blind to - being softly manipulated and having my personal time and space compromised. Anger was an indicator that something was clearly not right. Anger was the way my body pointed out the issue that I really needed to deal with. Anger was a tremendous energy. Anger was what finally made me say: enough!
Anger made me think about the limits and boundaries that we create for ourselves. How often do we allow people in our lives to violently cross the line without letting them know that they are going too far. How often do we struggle saying no to someone who sounds convincing enough or pushes us using guilt, fear or manipulation?
But how about twisting these questions a bit: how often do we build artificial walls around us or live in a bubble that keeps us protected from the world? How often do we say no out of fear when we really want to say yes? How many times were you trying to make yourself blind to a feeling, afraid to be hurt again? How many times have you kept a safe distance from someone who just wanted to be your friend?
Think about it. What are YOUR limits and boundaries? Which ones do you really need and which of the walls you built around you, could easily be dissolved opening a whole new perspective and perhaps new possibilities. Which of your “walls” are you never going to miss should you let go of the need to constantly protect yourself?
I think it’s a fine balance. It’s a fine line that only you can see and only you can decide who’s allowed and who’s not allowed to cross it. Redefine your limits and boundaries. Re-examine what is your private space and what is it that you don’t really need to hide from the world. Let go of the weight of things you don’t need to keep locked inside. Investigate your comfort zone and give yourself time and space to leave it so you can grow and expand - and perhaps return to it every now and again to nourish your soul and to keep grounded. And meditate - to maintain this intimate link to your spirit, the invisible connection to your deeper self, to YOUR truth and
enjoy the journey.
Love and light,